Smile! Or else.

I recently read some Simone de Beauvoir (celebrated French writer) where she talks about her immediate impressions of America when she first visited the states. One part that really intrigued me was her observation that Americans smile way more often than other people. To a European, this is a common characteristic that Americans share and an easy way to spot tourists.

Well why do Americans smile so much?

Simone de Beauvoir argued that optimism was essential to maintaining peace and prosperity in our country. She implied that the American economy was dependent on trust so people put on a friendly face out of necessity. And that makes sense. You wouldn’t want to interact with someone that you don’t trust. You definitely wouldn’t want to do business with them. In a system where connections and networks are the keys to success, of course people try to put on a happy face despite what they may really be feeling. But I don’t think individuals smile purely out of internal motivation. I think it’s also the people surrounding the individual that constantly demand a smile.

When we smile, we look healthy. When we smile, we signal to others that everything’s fine and we don’t need any help. So when we get that signal from somebody, we are naturally inclined to like that individual— especially because their well-being requires nothing from us! We like people who are self-sufficient and low-maintenance. But nobody likes people that are dependent and high-maintenance. Looking sad sends that signal.

Picture the average person’s Instagram profile. More often than not, there is a common theme of pictures with that person looking happy. And those pictures are the ones that get the most likes and comments. But have you ever seen the profile of somebody who is obviously sad? No likes. No comments. No one wants to help.

Stay with me on this:

It’s natural to dislike freeloaders. Almost everybody condemns that kind of behavior. And if we’re being honest: human beings can’t help secretly profiling each other. But what does a freeloader look like exactly? Is it a greasy-haired dude in sweatpants and crocs at Applebee’s? Maybe.

But if we’re being less specific, maybe it’s just somebody who looks weak. So most people slap on a smile to avoid looking weak at all costs. And I see it everyday so I can’t help wondering how many of those smiles are hiding something. I can’t help wondering if those smiles should make me trust or distrust.

No, I definitely don’t discourage smiling if you feel happy and I don’t discourage striving for happiness either. I’m just keeping us honest because when our mutual success depends on trust, we must encourage trustworthiness. Nobody is happy all the time; and not everyone who needs help is a freeloader. Support goes around and comes around— in an honest community.

Let’s make smiles honest again.

Filip, again.