Only love my bed and my momma

“I only love my bed and my momma, I’m sorry!”

-Drake, circa 2018

That one line from the song “God’s plan” became absolutely iconic. That one line got chanted by every student at every party I went to for several months last year. People seriously felt that one sentence. And that’s partly because it sounds so good when the 808 drums hit at the end. But people also really loved it because they felt like they could relate to the message. It was a statement that could make you forget about any emotional attachments and brush them off as obsolete and undesirable. And it’s no accident that today’s popular culture instantly embraced it.

Okay so it’s pretty likely that I’m really just thinking too deeply about this again. That’s normally the case anyway. But I can’t help feeling like there’s something in our culture that encouraged us to embrace Drake’s mentality.

Let me just back this up with some statistics from a highly reliable source.

Last year, Tinder conducted a survey of people aged 18-25 where 72% said they’ve consciously decided to remain single for the foreseeable future. And 81% said they believed being single was beneficial for them overall. Inevitably, some of these people are actually lonely and just saying that to comfort themselves. But even if we subtract all of them, that’s a huge percentage of people staying single on purpose! These statistics still don’t shock me though because Tinder itself is actually a direct manifestation of this trend. Reducing people to a “swipe yes” or a “swipe no” already establishes a precedent that you’re not likely to find any meaning in these dates or…”appointments.” I mean have you ever watched a guy swipe through Tinder? Their fingers move faster than their eyes can even process. Which is hilarious until it’s also disturbing. And I’m not saying that Tinder is some evil corrupting force or anything. I’m just saying it might not be so natural to choose your next date the same way you choose a new pair of shoes online.

But this isn’t just about statistics. This is something I personally notice among my peers. The other day a friend of mine told me her boyfriend said he would never get married because he’ll never love anyone. That’s an awful thing to say to your significant other. But that’s just one anecdote, right? Maybe. Or maybe a lot of people my age think this way. Maybe a lot of people tell themselves they’ll only ever love their bed and their momma. Maybe a lot of people think relationships are just a waste of time.

And who can blame them? People who prioritize their work certainly don’t have much time to spare. People who prefer to spend their money on travel certainly don’t want to spend much on dates. It obviously takes plenty of time and effort to get close with somebody. But the same is true for a regular friendship. The same is true for family. So here’s the question: where do we draw the line? Sure, some people might be happier single. But is anyone happy without friends? Or without family?

Let’s ask ourselves, how much are we willing to sacrifice for our personal goals? And when we achieve those goals, who’s going to be there to celebrate with us?

Filip, again.